dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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