oh god the rape fog is back!
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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