she was so not down for the gang bang
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
