I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
