Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
