Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize
