i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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