Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
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Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
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You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
So much Jack, so little girl.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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