I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Fuck appropriateness.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
