I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
