Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
