Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
