i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
