The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
