Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
