i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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