i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
