I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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