Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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