The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
