You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
