dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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