oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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