Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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