Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
My balls are so social today.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.