that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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