it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
