So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch