remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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