apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
