So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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