we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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