Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
