If i come over, it means nothing
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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