Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
