there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
