I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
