the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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