I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
