they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
