I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
