I need help removing her.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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