No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
