you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
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So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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