hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
my shit smells like andre
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
