i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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