dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I cut my penus on the lid.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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