I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
