Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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