He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
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