Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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