So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We talked him into tasing himself.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
