if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
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You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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