Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
420 ftw
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
