hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
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