Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
