remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
