I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
