K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
