You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
