i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
you had me at cake vodka
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
