I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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