So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
