i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
