I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you didnt know i had herpes?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
