Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
