theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
