dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
