Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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