Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She swung at the pinata with crutches
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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