you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
